This is One Baaaaaaad Day

This is One Baaaaaaad Day
have you ever had one of those days where everything come crashing down on you? it's crazy man. and to think that it all started because of a beetle.

it was a beautiful beetle, mind you. it was as big as a 20cent coin and dark emerald green. it was, of course, stupid enough to fly through my window at three in the morning last night. so what was a guy to do? i captured that glorious thing. i emptied my little tupperware of my rag-tag sewing kit, and used it as a makeshift cage. i thought of showing it to my girlfriend, especially since it was a sight worth sharing. trust me guys, it was beautiful.

so i did, at roughly 3pm the next day. then i let it go.

if you don't believe in karma, watch out. it'll turn around and bite you in the ass so hard you wouldn't know when you managed to scream in five different languages all at the same time.

my dad messaged me. "according to dr samuel today, the cancer in grandma is too widespread for surgery or has any good chance with treatment (meaning chemotherapy). palliative care only"

she's had some tumours before, but this time there were numerous spots in the body. liver, intestines and all. she was due for a rectum-scopy or something, where they put a camera inside your anus just to see if the tumours are on the inside or the outside of the intestines. before they were merely on the adipose tissues protecting the intestines. then my father's next message came.

"sorry son, doc says grandma may have only 6 months"

it turns out that too much of the soft tissue in her body in infected with tumours. chemotherapy for this sort of cancer is harsh enough stretch a man in his 20s to his limits, what more my grandmother?

6 months?! that's freaking unfair! she should live much longer. much much longer. she's done so much. she's survived the WW2,raised 5 children to be who they are today, the eldest, an uncle in penang and whose gyneacologist practice is doing marvelously. the second one, a naval captain in the royal malaysian navy. (in the navy, the ranking is a little different. a captain is the army equivalent of a general), the third son, my dad who initially didn't do very well in school because he got too involved or so i've heard, but his business now is making big bucks, and so on and so forth. she's kept her marriage intact, she's kept in contact with all her grandchildren, who do not alienate her, or treat her like a dinosaur. she honed her english just to talk to us, the english speaking generation.

i knew all along i've been lucky. there hasn't been a passing in the family. yet. it is inevitable, yet, i can only say that my grandmother has lead a fulfilling life. she has travelled all around, seen her children to be successful. i only regret i cannot address her in chinese, like i've always promised her to do someday, or to hold my own child up to her and watch her smile at me, to know that the care and love she has shown was passed forward well along the family line.

for you all out there who think death is a disease too harsh too bear, it isn't. it's merely a rite of passage, and our very last one. every generation the cycle repeats itself over and over again.

you get born, you're showered with unceasing love from your parents till you grow up. your parents mold you to be a good person, someone that can stand proud amongst the others, someone that is special in his own special way. then you find yourself a partner and settle down and get married, while your parents probably have grown old and near the end. them you raise your kids and then you grow old and die.

it's just...natural to die. noone has yet eluded death completely. yes, you may hold it off, but never for very long.

so what do we do then?

we just have to make the best of our lives. stop to enjoy its beauty, rush ahead so that you're not left behind. cherish the people that matter, your parents, your siblings, your friends. love your spouse, your children, your friends. be thankful for the trials that after everyday make you a better person. realise that God is the only one that is unchanging in his mercies and faith and is omnipotent. walk humbly among your peers. teach your children well. do your parents and your lineage proud. this is what we can do, even within the unchanging cycle of life and death.

let's just end this post, shall we? stupid beetle.